You – “the oth­ers” in your life – by An­dreas N. Bjørn­dal

Hu­man de­vel­op­ment fluc­tu­ates be­tween col­lec­tive and in­di­vid­ual stages ac­cord­ing to spi­ral dy­nam­ics. The stages in his­tory (meme´s) have been given names with colours. Both so­ci­ety as well as the in­di­vid­ual goes through these stages. See how each sec­ond one of them is about me or we.

Red meme – Life is a bat­tle ground; give me guts!
Tribes and many an­i­mals live with a strong em­pha­sis on the flock, the “we” or “us”. The al­pha male or the leader is the per­son with the strongest guts, in­di­vid­u­al­ity and mus­cles. The win­ner is the one with phys­i­cal power.

The flock and the leader are still strong themes amongst gangs, bik­ers, crim­i­nals, pris­on­ers and other groups were po­si­tion is a ques­tion of courage, self-as­sertive­ness and ego. You might not need to be smart as long as you are strong, have self-con­fi­dence and are com­pet­i­tive and coura­geous.

Blue meme – Life is Gods will and law; let us pray!
As so­ci­ety tran­scended the tribe and we got city-states, power and po­si­tion re­quired so­cial class and wealth. The power was granted if you were a clergy or no­bil­ity. They had their po­si­tion, de­cided, had own­er­ships and rights that kept “the oth­ers” down, mak­ing them pay taxes and abide to the rules or get­ting pun­ished.

Or­ange meme – Life is what we have and own; let me in­vest!
To­day with na­tions and multi­na­tional com­pa­nies power has moved more and more into the field of eco­nom­ics, in­for­ma­tion and knowl­edge. If you have knowl­edge you can in­vest, in­vent and in­flu­ence the in­for­ma­tion flow. To­day we see eco­nom­i­cal mus­cles cre­at­ing fake news and as­tro­turf­ing. Like the phar­ma­ceu­ti­cal in­dus­try get­ting mo­nop­oly and mak­ing peo­ple be­lieve tra­di­tional med­i­cine and home­opa­thy is not work­ing or is putting them to risk. To­day your world­view is threat­ened by these pow­ers.

Be it mus­cle power, re­li­gious power,  eco­nom­i­cal power or brain power it can be mis­used and it is al­ways the “You’s” in the lives of the mis­users that suf­fer. As hu­mans or so­ci­ety de­vel­ops we switch be­tween “let me” and “let us.” Af­ter a time with ego­is­tic lead­ers, peo­ple grab­bing from the com­mon wealth and steal­ing from na­ture we start to see an in­creased ap­pre­ci­a­tion for sus­tain­abil­ity, care for oth­ers and green val­ues.

Green meme – Life is com­mu­nity and pre­cious; let us care to­gether!
The next step, the stage to come is much more about car­ing for the other, an­i­mals, na­ture and the earth. It is about tak­ing care of each other and let “the other” get the best pos­si­bil­i­ties to de­velop on its own terms. If you be­long to the fu­ture you are not im­pos­ing on oth­ers, de­mand­ing from oth­ers, steel­ing from oth­ers, or try­ing to make them do any­thing but what they feel they need and want. In every ac­tion you think how you can ben­e­fit the com­mu­nity more than your­self. This is the peak of YOU-aware­ness. You re­al­ize every YOU out there is part of US and I am more US than ME.

The YOU-sup­port­ers
A good bal­ance be­tween I and You is when you can imag­ine the two as soap bub­bles with a com­mon sur­face of mu­tual un­der­stand­ing, re­spect and ac­cep­tance. Those peo­ple think; what I see in you is a re­flec­tion of me.  If they have a con­flict with some­one they think how can I help you solve it on your own con­di­tions. If there is a chal­lenge we are in it to­gether and need to make sure both gain from it.

The YOU-killers
But the green-meme is not here yet and to­day the world is still crowded with YOU-killers. The YOU-killer only lives in the I, Me, Mine! They are la­belled nar­cis­sists, so­ciopaths, psy­chopaths, ego­ists or just rude and im­po­lite. They come with dif­fer­ent shades of the spec­trum be­tween ex­treme self-ap­pre­ci­a­tion and ego­is­tic self-as­sertive­ness. The YOU´s in their lives are treated as non ex­is­tent or of hardly any value. The only value is the po­ten­tial to use and mis­use them.

The nar­cis­sist have delu­sions of be­ing grandiose, bril­liant, spe­cial, unique, and hence should only be as­so­ci­ated with peers of po­si­tion. They feel rights to ad­mi­ra­tion, en­ti­tle­ments and have ar­ro­gant and haughty be­hav­iours. In­ter­per­son­ally, they are ex­ploitive with no em­pa­thy. They live with the delu­sion; I de­serve it!

Many psy­chopaths are nar­cis­sist, but a psy­chopath has more lack of at­tach­ment to oth­ers, with a su­per­fi­cial charm they use to achieve their goals. They are liars with ma­nip­u­la­tive and reck­less be­hav­iour. They think; if you are not with me, I will get you!

Sociopaths are antisocial, intruding, steeling and destroying with no conscience or sense of moral. They think, “So what!”

What to do with YOU-killers
The main an­swer is stay away! Do not en­gage on any level. Get out of the neigh­bour­hood, move, change jobs, leave the re­la­tion­ship, drop any con­tact with them. Also with nar­cis­sist go cold turkey, they use you as a drug, brake the de­mand cy­cle, stop the sup­ply that was the only thing they cared about.

To fight these kind of peo­ple you need to be strong, per­sis­tent and vig­i­lant. Why spend your pre­cious time on that? It is bet­ter to close the door, that is what they need to ex­pe­ri­ence.

These are peo­ple with a learn­ing a head of them which is tough. They will ex­pe­ri­ence soli­tude and iso­la­tion. Af­ter long enough time with iso­la­tion they will slowly start to miss the abil­ity to con­nect with a YOU, to feel trust and cares. They will start to feel that the only pos­si­bil­ity for growth is to ex­pe­ri­ence a US and then they have to start with a YOU. Many of them need to be un­der iso­la­tion, feel­ing ex­cluded or ex­pe­ri­ence peo­ple turn­ing the back to them again and again. Be­ing elim­i­nated from po­si­tions, falling in dis­grace etc. so they grad­u­ally can ac­quire a de­sire to open the door into the other, into the YOU and start to tran­scend their prison of iso­la­tion in their desert-I.

The gem­stones in the YOU´s
One day even these per­sons will see that many of the most valu­able ex­pe­ri­ences in life is when we let the YOU come into our lives with com­plete un­con­di­tional pos­i­tive re­gard, ac­cep­tance, care, con­sid­er­a­tion and un-de­tached love. Their are few things of such value as good friends, good col­leges, a life part­ner, your chil­dren and fam­ily, car­ry­ing neigh­bours etc.

Je­sus worded these deep un­der­stand­ings and truths as: Love your neigh­bour as your­self and Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Every YOU out there is an ex­it­ing uni­verse a door to un­known realms of dif­fer­ent per­spec­tives and parts of the higher holon that you are about to merge into as you tran­scend the level of your ego.

You can read sim­i­lar ar­ti­cles in my blog

Holon, unity and wholeness, holonistic knowledge, self-development, spirituality, nature and mysticism as the way to truth

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