Human development fluctuates between collective and individual stages according to spiral dynamics. The stages in history (meme´s) have been given names with colours. Both society as well as the individual goes through these stages. See how each second one of them is about me or we.
Red meme – Life is a battle ground; give me guts!
Tribes and many animals live with a strong emphasis on the flock, the “we” or “us”. The alpha male or the leader is the person with the strongest guts, individuality and muscles. The winner is the one with physical power.
The flock and the leader are still strong themes amongst gangs, bikers, criminals, prisoners and other groups were position is a question of courage, self-assertiveness and ego. You might not need to be smart as long as you are strong, have self-confidence and are competitive and courageous.
Blue meme – Life is Gods will and law; let us pray!
As society transcended the tribe and we got city-states, power and position required social class and wealth. The power was granted if you were a clergy or nobility. They had their position, decided, had ownerships and rights that kept “the others” down, making them pay taxes and abide to the rules or getting punished.
Orange meme – Life is what we have and own; let me invest!
Today with nations and multinational companies power has moved more and more into the field of economics, information and knowledge. If you have knowledge you can invest, invent and influence the information flow. Today we see economical muscles creating fake news and astroturfing. Like the pharmaceutical industry getting monopoly and making people believe traditional medicine and homeopathy is not working or is putting them to risk. Today your worldview is threatened by these powers.
Be it muscle power, religious power, economical power or brain power it can be misused and it is always the “You’s” in the lives of the misusers that suffer. As humans or society develops we switch between “let me” and “let us.” After a time with egoistic leaders, people grabbing from the common wealth and stealing from nature we start to see an increased appreciation for sustainability, care for others and green values.
Green meme – Life is community and precious; let us care together!
The next step, the stage to come is much more about caring for the other, animals, nature and the earth. It is about taking care of each other and let “the other” get the best possibilities to develop on its own terms. If you belong to the future you are not imposing on others, demanding from others, steeling from others, or trying to make them do anything but what they feel they need and want. In every action you think how you can benefit the community more than yourself. This is the peak of YOU-awareness. You realize every YOU out there is part of US and I am more US than ME.
A good balance between I and You is when you can imagine the two as soap bubbles with a common surface of mutual understanding, respect and acceptance. Those people think; what I see in you is a reflection of me. If they have a conflict with someone they think how can I help you solve it on your own conditions. If there is a challenge we are in it together and need to make sure both gain from it.
But the green-meme is not here yet and today the world is still crowded with YOU-killers. The YOU-killer only lives in the I, Me, Mine! They are labelled narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, egoists or just rude and impolite. They come with different shades of the spectrum between extreme self-appreciation and egoistic self-assertiveness. The YOU´s in their lives are treated as non existent or of hardly any value. The only value is the potential to use and misuse them.
The narcissist have delusions of being grandiose, brilliant, special, unique, and hence should only be associated with peers of position. They feel rights to admiration, entitlements and have arrogant and haughty behaviours. Interpersonally, they are exploitive with no empathy. They live with the delusion; I deserve it!
Many psychopaths are narcissist, but a psychopath has more lack of attachment to others, with a superficial charm they use to achieve their goals. They are liars with manipulative and reckless behaviour. They think; if you are not with me, I will get you!
Sociopaths are antisocial, intruding, steeling and destroying with no conscience or sense of moral. They think, “So what!”
What to do with YOU-killers
The main answer is stay away! Do not engage on any level. Get out of the neighbourhood, move, change jobs, leave the relationship, drop any contact with them. Also with narcissist go cold turkey, they use you as a drug, brake the demand cycle, stop the supply that was the only thing they cared about.
To fight these kind of people you need to be strong, persistent and vigilant. Why spend your precious time on that? It is better to close the door, that is what they need to experience.
These are people with a learning a head of them which is tough. They will experience solitude and isolation. After long enough time with isolation they will slowly start to miss the ability to connect with a YOU, to feel trust and cares. They will start to feel that the only possibility for growth is to experience a US and then they have to start with a YOU. Many of them need to be under isolation, feeling excluded or experience people turning the back to them again and again. Being eliminated from positions, falling in disgrace etc. so they gradually can acquire a desire to open the door into the other, into the YOU and start to transcend their prison of isolation in their desert-I.
The gemstones in the YOU´s
One day even these persons will see that many of the most valuable experiences in life is when we let the YOU come into our lives with complete unconditional positive regard, acceptance, care, consideration and un-detached love. Their are few things of such value as good friends, good colleges, a life partner, your children and family, carrying neighbours etc.
Jesus worded these deep understandings and truths as: Love your neighbour as yourself and Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Every YOU out there is an exiting universe a door to unknown realms of different perspectives and parts of the higher holon that you are about to merge into as you transcend the level of your ego.
You can read similar articles in my blog holonity.com